Frank Words of Wisdom by Kristen Clark

Shared with you with permission from Kristen Clark who wrote this in another blog a few days ago:


*I don't usually talk about things like depression on this page (or at least I try not to, lez be honest, sometimes I do), but could I just say something for a minute? If you think that someone is weak because they claim to have depression, anxiety, or some other kind of mental disorder, then I'm sad to say that you're very very wrong.

Depression- feelings of severe despondency and dejection, otherwise known as extreme sadness.
  Symptoms- being more quiet than usual, having little self-worth, losing interest (whether quickly or slowly) in activities previously enjoyed.

Anxiety disorders- a category of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear, where anxiety is a worry about future events and fear is a reaction to current events.
  Symptoms- jumpiness, timid voice, occasional nervous laughter.

Bipolar disorder- characterized by both manic and depressive episodes, or manic ones only.
   Symptoms- major mood swings (obvious, I know), or sudden changes in interests or outlook on life.

I could sit here all day and list the different kinds of things people all over the world struggle with. But back to what I was saying earlier. If you think people like these are weak, you're very wrong. People like this - admittedly similar to myself - are dangerous. Why, you ask? Broken people know how to survive. So I'm only going to say this once and be done with it. DO NOT MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE ANY OF THESE LISTED ABOVE OR ANY OTHERS YOU MAY HERE OF, AND DO NOT ROMANTICIZE THIS SHIT. IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL, THESE ARE SERIOUS THINGS THAT ARE OFTEN FOUGHT WITH ON A SEVERE LEVEL ON A DAILY BASIS. Thank you, that is all.*

Thank you, Kristen, could not have said it better myself.😊

Criticism ~ Negative vs. Positive Thinking

Today is an okay kinda day. Woke up this morning in a bit of a fog, but coffee cleared that up. I had a shower, brushed my teeth and made some breakfast. The sun is shining. My hubby's in a cheery mood. But there is still a sadness that permeates my being. I can't describe it, other than to identify the voices in my head.

They sound like this: "Your ugly... your too shy... your afraid of everything... your going to eat too many sweets because that's all you like... your hubby doesn't really care about you... your hubby is having an affair because you are too moody... don't call that person back, she's too cheery... don't tell anyone your down because you KNOW how they will react...

Like the poster at the beginning of this post, I am my own worse critic! If people with depression realized that they are their own worse critic, that would be the first step toward being healthy. I'm not saying that mental health is easy because it's not. But the first step towards health is realizing and identifying the voices that go on inside our heads.

I attempted suicide a little over a year ago. I was hospitalized for a week. That time in the hospital gave me time to reflect on my life and the way I spend my time everyday. I learned something about myself that I want to share with you.

I CAN CONTROL THE VOICES I CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO.

Shortly after that, I was talking to a therapist about the negative thoughts I have that plagued me everyday, and she suggested I make a list of all the reasons I had to live. She told me to take my time and even if it took me a week to write that list, to keep at it til I had all the reasons there were for me to live.

At first I thought that there weren't any. Then I started to think about my husband and kids. When I had taken those pills, I had thought about them, but decided that they were not enough to keep me from dying. It had been my negative thoughts that had convinced me of this. So in an attempt to turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts, I put them on my list.

Next I thought of my parents, my siblings. My friends, my church family. Within an hour, I had written 15 reasons. Over the next few months I came up with 11 more.

My therapist then told me to write each of those reasons as a complete thought, keeping positivity
in mind. For example,
"Husband" became "I love my husband and want to live because my death would destroy him".

Over the next few sessions, we revised my list, but during that time, I began to realize that my reason's reflected how my death would affect other people. They had nothing to do with me and what I wanted for myself or for my life. So another revision was required.

Therefore, "I love my husband and want to live because my death would destroy him" became
"I want to live because I want to be apart of my husband's life."

Now, when I am feeling particularly down, I recite that list. (I know it by heart!).

I'm not going to tell you that the answer to your depression is positive thinking: I would be selling you short if I said that! It's merely a small piece of the puzzle that made a difference for me. And there is no such thing as a complete healing from depression. But it can be dealt with. Little by little.

Would love to hear from you. In my next blog, I'm going to share the effect of depression on my jobs. I stayed at home with my kids for 13 yrs. but I did go back to work. That was a whole different bucket of fish, so come back and hear about that.

Let's talk!

What is Strength?

 

Today, I'm doing pretty good, that's why I've referred to depression as being a relative matter. My day can start off feeling strong and end in a puddle of tears. I never know from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, just how I'm going to feel. That fact used to scare me, especially when I had small kids. They depended on Mommy to be there when they woke up, to fix their meals, kiss their boo-boos, read to them, play with them. At night, I'd bathe them, read to them (the same book over and over), say prayers with my little gentlemen. Mommy Jabeau had to be strong even when I was weak.

I think what we need to consider that a depressed person can function and look quite 'normal'. I think that the strength demonstrated by many like myself, is the true strength that the poster above is talking about. 

Over the years, this personae I portrayed changed from something that I hid from the world, into something I began to share with close friends. I began to look at my own mental health as an obstacle that could be overcome, with the right help, the right medication and people who loved me in spite of it.

I challenge each reader to examine their own definition of strength, and see if you can relate to the poster at the beginning of this blog.

And of course,

Let's talk

When the World Shakes

 

Today, the whole world grieves for the terrorist attack in Paris. It dominates the news; the internet, newspapers, radio, TV. It's hard to find any media that is not covering this horrific act. Our hearts are crushed as the whole world shakes.

Not only our hearts, but the minds of the mentally ill are thrown into confusion.

Today, I got up at 2pm, because my mind was shattered by the attacks on Paris and I just couldn't sleep all night. I'm going to try to explain what happens to the mind of someone who is depressed.

Imagine a strong, mature maple tree that has a single damaged branch. It may still be deriving sustainance from the tree. This tree is like the mind of a "normal" person. But, then a strong wind whips up and rattles the whole tree, making it sway to and fro; the broken branch is ripped from it's hold on the tree. After the storm, the tree has obviously been damaged. Not only is the branch ripped from the tree, but other branches have cracks or are now hanging precariously from the its base, leaves have been ripped away. It's a fairly ugly tree now and if it were an animal, our reaction might be to put it out of it's misery.

The mind of a depressed person is like that tree with the broken branch. Overall, we probably look pretty well put together. After all, everyone has some kind of flaw, right? We keep them hidden in our minds. ALOT of depressed people are perfectionists (I know I was for many years). All it takes to rattle us is a bit of wind; the death of a friend, a relative, sexual abuse, any kind of abuse really. We become that tree with the one broken branch, and we walk with a bit of a psychological 'limp'. Inside, we are suffering from a weigh of self doubt, inadequacy, deep sadness that we can't shake. You can't cheer up a depressed person. We might smile for a bit, go for a walk, out for dinner ~ whatever you drag us out to. But as soon as you are gone, we return to that unshakable sadness that weighs us down.

Back to the story about the tree. A MIGHTY wind (divorce, an earthquake, tidal wave, terrorist attack...) whips up and our minds become chaotic. We slide a little deeper into a greater sadness. We stop showering, stay in our jammies all day, sleep in late and stay up all night. We don't bother talking to anyone, or we argue vehemently over the littlest things. We avoid those cheerful friends and withdraw into ourselves, into our self~made loneliness and start believing all those negative thoughts that seem to plague us. We become that ugly, broken tree with missing leaves and other broken branches.

Given time, the broken tree will survive and will grow new branches and leaves. Maybe one day, provide shade from the weather and shelter from the wind for others.

Given time, a depressed person can begin to heal. But it takes time and effort on our part. It takes an effort to step out of our comfort zone, which, if you will remember, is not a very happy place anyway! 😊 For some, maybe all, it will take medication. It could take counselling and prayer/mediation. It could take a 're~wiring' of our minds to think, not 'happy thoughts' but positive thoughts.

I will be sharing my experiences in coming blogs, but I'd also like to hear from you. There is only one way out of the stigma of mental illness and that is to talk about it. I don't have all the answers, but I could have some of them.

So let's talk!

The Dark, Ugly Truth

Today was a good day. Today I got up at 11am, showered and dressed to go out and meet a friend for lunch. Today I met my friend and we had nice conversation, laughed and shared safe pieces of our days. I was home by 2 and fixed a nice meal for my family. Had great conversation with my husband during dinner. Cleaned up and then sat down to create this blog.

That was today. That was not yesterday.

Yesterday, I got up at 11am with the start of a migraine and dizziness. After looking at myself in the mirror, I returned to my bed, pulled the covers over my head and slept for five more hours.

What made the difference between today and yesterday?

Depression. Deep, dark, ugly, depression. Depression is a relative matter. It doesn't always have reasons or causes. It can come and go like a turn in the weather. Sometimes it lasts for weeks, months, years. Sometimes it lasts for an hour, a day. Sometimes its impossible to believe that tomorrow is ever going to be better. Is there really light at the other end of the tunnel?

Yesterday I got up a second time at 4pm. I turned on the TV to watch Ellen, hoping she might cheer me up. Made a cup of decaf coffee, still feeling dizzy and disoriented. My brain was in a fog so I added some coconut oil to my coffee and hoped it would clear the cobwebs.

Somehow I managed to put dinner on the table. I sat in silence while my husband shouted at the TV about politics and what was wrong with our police department. My son decided to forego his dinner, and I knew it wasn't because he wanted to get to volleyball early. It was simply because Mom was depressed and he knew there would be no conversation at the table that night.

After dinner, my husband went to the gym and I sat down and cried. No particular reason. Basically, I was happy with my life. I loved my husband and kids. Had a new granddaughter to spoil. Was recuperating well from a knee replacement. No particular reason to be depressed and yet I was. Again.

Perhaps you have been there. Perhaps you know someone who is suffering as I do. Perhaps you'd just like to know what it feels like to be depressed. My husband has never been depressed and I know there are people out there that can say the same. Let's talk about this. Let's open the dark door and bring it out of the unknown and into the light. Let's destroy the stigma of mental illness, once and for all.

Because depression is a relative matter.